Man of the year – Thunder Donkey

I’ve not touched my novel Earthlight for a month.

I’ve hit a tricky part in the story and the last few months have been more stressful than they ought to be. The combination of these things has turned me into the kid that doesn’t do his homework.

I can’t wait for 2014 to wipe the slate clean. It will also bring a new job for me (Feb) and an addition to my family (March/April).

My sci-fi series Underlings is on a back-burner for the time-being, but Project Aspire (my shared novel with 3 other brilliant writers) is going perfectly, breaching the Top 20 for Sci-Fi on Wattpad and Top 25 for Horror so far.

What I have started to do is draft a new novel idea written in the first person, which will keep me occupied when Earthlight is finished. It’s got the potential to be both poignant and nuts…

I now have the task of putting that idea to one side and cracking on with my main project. It’s easier than it sounds. I need a nudge and my head is all over the place. The point of this post? I’ve now ‘voiced’ that I’m being crap. I’m slacking. It’s in print. It’s ‘out there’. I’m hoping this will shame me to getting back on track.

If it doesn’t, well, I’ll join the ranks of “writers” that do shit all (and then I’ll just be a guy with a day job).

On a very serious note, the fake sign language guy at Nelson Mandella’s funeral is possibly one of the best things I have ever seen on TV. Even better is his excuse “I was hearing voices and I was in a dangerous place…” – The voices told him to sign ‘donkey’ and ‘thunder’ amongst a lot of other utter nonsense. The guy has balls of steel.

If I can’t finish the novel, my excuse is going to be along those lines… Alternatively I could just fill the last pages of it with ThunderDonkeyDonkeyCarrotSpatulaBigfaceMoonThunderDonkeyDonk…. Who’d know?

I wasn’t the only one googling Tommy Clufetos this morning; I think most people at the Black Sabbath concert in London’s O2 arena were doing the same as soon as the beer wore off.

I went to this gig out of interest, to see what state Ozzy was in.

As I stood next to the smelliest man in the Arena, I distracted myself with the thought that although the first couple of songs were great musically, either Ozzy’s hearing had gone (quite possible at his age) or the monitors were playing up. He was out of key. Then he got into it (or the drugs kicked in) and when that happened the night was sensational.

Ozzy is not the bumbling character he makes himself out to be on reality shows; He is a crazy, eccentric, old titan of heavy rock and on stage he was completely ‘with it’, although he has terrible posture…  

Black Sabbath taught a nice lesson, that sadly, UK music today lacks (just about everything).  Their mastery in their home-coming highlighted that the bands which the NME magazine and Radio One hark on about in the UK as ‘the next big thing’ are just on-trend purveyors of diabolical shite who just can’t cut it musically.

Sabbath played a couple of new songs from album ’13′ which actually blend really well with the old stuff (and are good songs in their own right - check God Is Dead?).

The highlight for me – and the biggest cheer of night until the encore – was drummer Tommy Clufetos’ solo, which just about pinned him as the best skin-beater I have ever witnessed live to date. I don’t know where they found this guy, but Sabbath showed him a lot of respect by letting him take centre stage (possibly whilst they emptied their piss-bags) and it was well deserved.

Here is a link I found to a solo he did at an earlier show this year which you just need to see. Ignore the American guy ‘whooping’ in the background. He even says something like “There it is baby” and “That’s how we roll, rock n roll!”… It annoyed me too…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZf–hSFX1Y

Norway – gang members cruising for a bruising

Last week I went to Oslo, for what was about the twelfth time in two years. I came home on Friday and I’m going back tomorrow, for two more days.

It’s not that I love the cold and darkness of the Noggy winter. I simply work for a Norwegian company – for the time being.  (I’m currently serving my notice period.)

What can I tell you about my travels?

Ryanair remain shit. On the way out they only took credit cards as payment and ran out of food by row 5, on the way back they also ran out of beer and cider by row 5. It sucks to be in row 5 apparently and clearly they’re encouraging people to pay for pre-booked seats at the front (just to guarantee something to put down your necks) whilst reading the advert for Ryanair cheeseburgers on the back of the seat in front of you for the entire duration of the flight.

It’s only a matter of time until they charge you to have a lifejacket under your seat… I never had the Irish down as being so cruel! Give them the Euro currency and they think they can take over Europe by air with their low cost Gaelic Luftwaffe! Their flights are always on time because there is no rubbish to collect after row 5.

Sadly, I’m flying with them again tomorrow.  I tell myself it is just because I live just 7 miles from the airport which they fly out from. Part of me thinks I’m just a bit kinky. Treat me mean Ryanair! Treat me like dirt! Make me pay for it! Yes I forgot to print my boarding pass. I know, I’m a naughty boy…

So the whole thing is my fault; I contribute to their appalling existence. The alternative is an hour and a half drive round the M25 (without traffic). It’s a double edged bitch of a sword; more of a dildo really (and I’m continuing to suck it).

Back to the Noggies…

The people of Oslo are shitting themselves because they have opened their borders and are getting mugged on their own city streets by the people they let in. 78 muggings in a month is no joke of course, but that’s probably the kind of figures my home town has in the UK every two weeks. It’s a hot topic though. If they ever film a new series of The Wire, I think it will be in downtown Solli (which happens to be rather nice).

The beggars over there must make a mint though. It costs £11 for a pint of lager, so your average Romanian gypsy has to really work it to earn Scandahooligan coin. I saw one chief beggar/overlord sneakily using his mobile phone; the same guy who played the theme tune to The Godfather on his accordion every day near the palace, whilst giving me the ol’ one-tooth vagrant puppy look.

I tried Aquavit. It works.

If you never hear from me again, it means I’ve decided to try the good life and I’m backing up the Overlord on the spoons. I’ll send you my mobile number when I know what it is…

So I’m already living a bit of a sci-fi reality. I’m just pissed that I never got a Hover Board for Xmas.

I’ve just uploaded my latest chapter to this wonderful survival horror/sci-fi collaboration ‘Project Aspire’ with three great writers; Stephen Landry, Taran Matharu and Jason Kucharik.

http://www.wattpad.com/30359403-project-aspire-chapter-8-simon-written-by-penegrin

Project Aspire

It’s currently #25 in the Sci-Fi charts on Wattpad and #50 in Horror. Not a bad start, but we’re going to take it to the top 10 pretty swiftly!!

Have a butchers and whilst you’re at it, check the below links to the other writers…

http://www.wattpad.com/user/TaranM

http://www.wattpad.com/user/sxcore

http://www.wattpad.com/user/JasonKucharik

http://www.wattpad.com/user/PenegrinShaw

http://www.wattpad.com/29692754-the-mood-projector?d=ud

The Mood Projector – it’s a personal favourite of mine!

What would you do if everyone around you could instantly see how you’re feeling? Would you try to hide it from the rest of society, or would you believe that the technology was for a greater good?

In the perfect example of two creative people helping each other out, the lovely Eve Brinkley-Whittington (her work above) has returned the favour and interviewed me for UK Arts Directory. Have a read below and take a look at my relating interview on Eve’s art journey.

http://ukartsdirectory.com/eve-brinkley-whittington-arts-blog/

What is this all about?

What I’d like to do with my blog over the next few weeks is introduce to you people that I know, who are doing just this. What I’d like each of you to do, which is really very simple, is to share (Twitter/Facebook/Wordpress) or forward this post to anyone that is either;

• Moving or working in creative circles
• Interested in working with, or helping out another creative
• Looking to offer work or give opportunities that may be relevant to the people interviewed
• Not connected to people that could help the person being interviewed, but may just bloody well enjoy what they’re doing!

Paints like an Essex-based Demon

Creative People Interview #2

Eve Brinkley-Whittington (Artist)

I recently purchased a print at Eve’s studio on a farm near Colchester, Essex.

The place where she paints is effectively a community of artists; a creative hub and worthy of a visit to one of their open days if you live in our around the county of Essex (Look up Cuckoo Farm Studios).

If I were to title this interview it would be ‘Vajazzling Castles’!

-

PS: “I suppose the first question has to be; ‘At what moment between scribbling with pencils and crayons as a child and studying art at Anglia Ruskin University did you think that (this) was the path you had to take in life and become an Artist?’

EBW: I don’t ever remember having a moment at which I knew that Art was the path for me.  In fact I can remember more points at which I completely questioned the choices I had made in doing Art at all.  I have had several times where I have questioned my ability, but I know so many other artists who have had similar experiences….I think that it is part and parcel of being a creative.  When I finished my Painting degree at Loughborough I spent a period of several years without picking up a paintbrush, but then one day I felt compelled to start again and I haven’t stopped since.  Painting makes me incredibly happy, and the excitement at the start of each piece of work is great.

PS: I never see people sitting outside painting anymore like ‘the good old days’; if they ever existed… Where do you paint? Do you have a secret studio or Batcave somewhere?

EBW: I do like to sketch outside, but struggle to paint outside.  I like to sketch directly from a subject but sometimes it is difficult to, so I take lots of photo’s that I can then work from in my studio.  I don’t know if the landscape painters of pre-20th century camera technology would have used it if they could have – I’m sure they would.  What I do make sure is that I have really got a sense of the place I am painting, you can’t get that from a photo alone.  My work is increasingly about what lies beneath the landscape, it’s history.  Landscapes are emotive, they mean a lot of things to different people, they can be simply a nice view, a place people spend their lives or create a memory in.  They can be a place where people love to spend their time so much that they wish to be buried there.  They resonate their history to us and this is something that I’m exploring increasingly in my work.

PS: A lot of people try to shrug off their Essex routes (a sparkly fairy tale county in England for anyone reading outside the UK), but your art really celebrates where you come from. Did you choose to do that intentionally?  

EBW: Yes.  I am very proud of being an Essex girl and have always felt that as a county we are much maligned. We have such a beautiful landscape, a dramatic history and we have produced some of the most influential people in British history.  My work looks at the disparity between the reality and the stereotype, or the expected.  outside of Essex most people think that it’s all fake, superficial, artificial….and you can find that here (no more than anywhere else if you ask me!) but there is so much more to us than this parade of plastic.  With the “The Only Way is Constable” I took a famous painting of his (Hadleigh Castle) and repainted it, vajazzling the castle itself.  A lot of people don’t realise that Constable is a local lad and that his iconic landscapes are painted along the Essex/Suffolk borders.  More recently in a work I sold only last month to a collector in Scotland (All that glitters must surely be from Essex) I painted a view of the viaduct at Chapel, it’s a favourite among local artists.  I painted the majority of the landscape in oils – traditionally, but made the entire viaduct out of glitter.  I’m giving the viewer partially what they want or expect to see form a work which hails from Essex, but sarcastically kind of a “here, this is what you want to see isn’t it?”.  However, I have moved on from this in my work now – I am still currently using local views in my work, at the moment I’m painting the Roman Wall at Colchester, but am using layers of local history in the work, capturing not just a view but a snapshot of 2000 yrs in one painting.  

“All that glitters must surely be from Essex” – prints still available.

PS: How did you discover your own style and build that identity into your work?  

EBW: I don’t think I have discovered it yet…I might not ever.  I have read several articles that state an artist finds greater success if they develop a “style”, I think that this could be more restrictive than anything else.  The identity, well I suppose I put an awful lot of myself into each piece of work, they are all very personal pieces, which surprisingly can make it difficult when selling them.  But I enjoy being able to experiment with each piece, and with letting it develop as I’m making it.  Quite often a work can end up looking very different to how I intended to look at the start, but for me that’s part of the excitement of painting.  Perhaps one day, during a large retrospective of my work at the Tate, my style of identity will be obvious to see!!  

PS: Who has the been the biggest inspiration to get you (or keep you) on your journey?

EBW:  I have questioned myself a number of times, my family and friends have always been great in those times of self-doubt.  My parents were tremendously supportive of my love of Art.  I can imagine a lot of parents raising a cynical eyebrow when being told by their child that they want to go off and study “painting”!  But they always said, if it’s want you want to do then do it.  My partner is incredibly supportive and has attended exhibitions and events with me, helped me put up my work…and take it down.  Ferried my work here, there and everywhere and has sat with me night after night when I am updating my website, writing blog posts or doing interviews!!  I have been very lucky that the most important people in my life have always been very supportive, I probably don’t tell them that enough!  

PS: What has been your proudest moment of your life as an Artist, so far?  

EBW: Erm, that’s a hard one to answer – I was incredibly proud when I put on my degree show, I set a real challenge for myself for it, over 30 paintings to create the effect in the space that I wanted….I couldn’t quite believe that I pulled it off.  I was also tremendously proud that I had work shown on Broadway in New York as part of the Art takes Times Square event last year.  My work was voted for by a lot of people and it felt great to know that it was being shown so many thousands of miles away.  In truth I really couldn’t tell you which moment has been the proudest….I think/i hope that maybe it’s still to come!  

PS: Now and then a news story makes the papers where someone somewhere, for whatever motivation or reason, vandalises a piece of art on public display. How does that make you feel as an Artist?

EBW:  Annoyed.  I understand why people do it but I don’t agree with it.  I think that those people believe that to vandalise a famous piece of artwork will bring their ’cause’ to the spotlight quickly.  But I wonder if they really stopped to think about the hours, weeks, months, years that can be spent on a piece of work, and that there isn’t another way that they can bring their argument to a more public forum which doesn’t involve destroying someone’s hard work.  

PS: I’m obsessed with Ophelia by Millais. My grandmother painted her own version of it once and I love that also. Both pictures haunt me (not my grandmother as she’s living ‘south of the river’) and I wish that I could have painted either of those. Is there a specific painting hanging in a gallery somewhere that you wish you had painted, or vandalised?  

EBW: I don’t think that there is a painting that I wish I had made, but there are several works that I wish I could jump in the Tardis and go back to watch being painted.  The Sistine Chapel for one, I was so overwhelmed by the magnitude of human endeavour that I stood in there and cried, ridiculous I know but I was totally blown away by it.  Anything, anything by Turner.  I would love to have seen the way he worked, particularly on his later works where his eyesight was failing him.  The way that he built up layers of translucent colour are just wonderful.  They are timeless and I would love to know if he knew just how good they were as he was painting them.  

PS: What are the toughest things facing young Artists today? 

EBW: There are a number of struggles facing young artists today.  First of all exposure, the internet can be a wonderful platform to get you work seen but with thousands of other people doing the same it is difficult to get your work to stand out in a very big crowd.  I also think that the relationship between artist and gallery is changing where galleries now require up front payment from artists to show their work, rather than the traditional commission taken for sold work.  For many artists it is impossible especially with many galleries charging hundreds of pounds per metre of wall/floor space, to generate the amount of money needed to exhibit their work.  

PS: Are they the same things that would have affected the likes of Millais in his time, or is the 21st Century wildly different in the art world? 

EBW: Perhaps, I’m sure that with every generation there are struggles to be had – I’m sure that they would probably look at the internet and say “who needs a gallery?”.  Perhaps the struggle is necessary to focus the artist.  

PS: What advice would you give to someone starting out, or thinking of following in your footsteps?  

EBW: Do it.  If you want to be an artist then just get to work.  It is tremendously hard work, to be seen you need to self-publicise, which comes easier to some than others.  If you don’t want your work to be seen and it’s for your own enjoyment then do what makes you happy, but try not to ever get too comfortable.  If you don’t challenge yourself with your work then it will get boring.  A collector when buying a piece of my work several weeks ago said that “it spoke to his soul”, to hear that something you have created connects with another human being in that way is fantastic, there’s nothing like it.  If you need to create then create.  

PS: What are you working on now and how did the idea of it come to you?  

EBW: I’m working on a painting of the West Gate in the Roman wall in Colchester.  I’ve always enjoyed walking through it on my way into the town centre, one day as I walked I ran my hand across the wall and thought if only I could see what these bricks have seen?  It gave me an idea to paint a layered landscape showing not only what we see now but what is beneath, the story of a landscape.  

PS: What is your aspiration?  

EBW: To become a professional artist.  If I could paint full time it would be phenomenal, I work towards it all the time.  My out there aspiration…that one day I could walk into a gallery space and see one of my landscapes hung in the same room as a Turner.  He is my absolute hero, to have a piece of my work in the presence of such a great master, would certainly be the achievement of a lifetime.  

PS: If people wanted to collaborate with you, commission a piece of art, view your work, buy your work, promote you, represent you, include it in an exhibition… How do they all get in touch with you?  

EBW: Through my website at http://www.oilypalette.co.uk, you would be able to email me from here or see the link through to my studio page and blogs.  Alternatively I am on Twitter @eve_whittington, which I am on all the time so this would be a more immediate way to get in touch.”

IF YOU KNOW PEOPLE THAT ARE CREATIVE, MOVE IN CREATIVE CIRCLES, OR MAY BE INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH EVE OR BUYING HER WORK… PLEASE FORWARD, SHARE OR REPOST!! – Penegrin Shaw.

Little Beggars

Let’s face it; Brits are shit at the whole Halloween thing – it got imported to our little island sometime in the 1980s, but we did nothing with it other than sit in sceptically watching the scary American films that were shown (and pretend we understood the whole concept of dressing up and asking neighbours for sweets).

When I was a kid, my mother wouldn’t take me trick or treating, as it was seen as begging. It could have helped us (as we were poor as fuck), plus I liked chocolate a lot…

What we celebrated was Bonfire Night, which is the Wicker Man evil cousin of Halloween; A whole nation of people would celebrate that a man called Guido Fawkes (Guy Fawkes) tried and failed to blow up the Houses of Parliament hundreds of years ago in ‘the olden days’ and was subsequently Hung, Drawn and Quartered for his part in it.

Kids would make an effigy of the man, dress him in their dad’s old clothes, then push him to the high street in a wheel barrow (or child’s pushchair) and sit outside the corner shop asking strangers for a ‘penny for the guy’, as if their creation was a masterpiece of epic proportions and worthy of coin tribute. Now according to my mum – this form of begging was acceptable because you weren’t knocking on your neighbours doors expecting treats!

After enough money was in the coffers to buy some sweets, the kids would take him home and the entire family would put the Guy on a bonfire in their back garden and warm him up a bit, cheering like it was an old paedo-cum-Kruger character they’d forced into the flames.

Bonfire Night falls on 5^th November (close to Halloween) and I think Halloween has barged its way into British homes by way of advertising and media. Our disturbing tradition of burning a crap version of some dead guy called Guido has been lost quite swiftly in recent years.

The interesting thing of course is the fact that for hundreds of years, it was even celebrated. If someone tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament today, they’d probably end up with a Reality TV show and a fake titted girlfriend on their arm after a six month stint in a penthouse prison suite.

So we’re now American and we celebrate Halloween, but the great thing about Brits doing it, is we’re so fucking miserable and tight fisted (grrrr that recession again!) that most people sit in the dark and pretend they are not in when the trick or treaters ring the doorbell.

I’m sure the next generation will be far more compliant with the rules of Halloween according to Obama.

I’ll leave you with a Jimmy Carr joke about another of our fading traditions;

Why do Morris Dancers have bells on them?

(So even blind people know they’re cunts.)

My short story Earthlight (which was the basis for the novel I’m writing under the same name) is currently No.1 in the paid download charts at Ether Books  http://ethr.me/p2968

It’s also re-ignited some interest in the first short story I had published (just six months ago can you believe?) Tourettes  http://ethr.me/p2531 which is back in the Top 20 Free Downloads.

I flew to Milan on Monday for a two hour meeting. I’ve been reading Michael Grant’s ‘Gone’ series of life in the FAYZ (Fallout Alley Youth Zone) after a mysterious dome appears above a town that none can breach and everyone over the age of fifteen disappears. Some of the children begin to develop super powers and it becomes a Lord of the Flies/survival of the fittest tale. The books are titled under some of the things they go through; Hunger, Fear, Plague (etc). My good friend got me onto the series, which I since discovered was for Young Adults/Teens (although I have no idea why it is suitable for that age-group specifically other than the word ‘dude’ getting used regularly) as it is just as graphic as anything I’ve read which is marketed for adults. $$$ I think!

I’m sitting on the plane, three books in of five, when the following occurred to me…

The first book in the Gone series was published in 2008 before Stephen King’s Under The Dome came out in 2009. Subsequently, each of the books in the Gone series have quotes and praise adorned on their covers by Stephen King, which sounds to me a little like a nice alternative for both parties facing each other in court (?) - For those that don’t know, the Under The Dome story is that an impenetrable dome appears above a town and no one can get in our out – some of the kids develop strange powers (?)

Would the Gone series have done so well without Stephen King’s endorsement?

Would we ever have had the Under The Dome TV series without Michael Grant’s consent?

Will be ever see a series/movie version of the Gone series now Stephen King’s tale of a dome above a town has been screened?

Does Stephen King actually like the Gone series by Michael Grant?

Either way – I like both pieces of work and having been introduced to Michael Grant’s books, I’m now a fan of his, as well as Stephen King. The differences and similarities to both ideas are interesting.

My view? Read both, decide for yourself, share your views!

(Bacon)

If I’m brutally honest with myself, my head has been all over the place for a few months; I’ve been under a lot of pressure and a lot of that I’ve created for myself.

Like most people, I don’t mind the elements that I’ve caused by my own hand – they are often the release (I’m not talking about wanking by the way although there is nothing wrong with pulled pork). It’s the little bastard things that creep up and drain you which I would like to knife in the most brutal way.

I took a couple of days off for a long weekend with my family (wife, son and second baby cooking in the wifeoven). I was uncool. I went to Hythe on the South Coast of England and rented a dated house (with friends) that I expect was host to numerous swinging parties in te 1970s. We all went to Peppa Pig World with our children. I was a hypocrite bastard of a dad; playing Black Sabbath ‘War Pigs’ as we drove in and eating my bacon sandwich about twenty minutes before we set off. I remained relatively sober for a few days with zero hangovers. I took my son to the toilet about 50 times a day (and some of those times he actually did something yellow or brown.) He was an absolute legend and went on every ride the height charts would allow – much braver than I was as a child.

The time with my family has invigorated and healed me. Only on my return home have I realised how stressed I was before we went away. This may be a writer’s thing, I’m not sure, but I think so.

It makes me believe that sometimes the best thing to keep the writing quality high is to stop writing. Do something uncool to sort your head out and get back to it. I’m purposely leaving my sci-fi series for a while. It’s going well, but I don’t want to implode. I also want to keep my novel, Earthlight, on track. Without getting bored, without sacrificing the quality of it.

So friends, this was just a quick, honest blog to say that I’m going to try and balance things from now on and use my family time better; give it the time it deserves and let it do its healing magic when things are otherwise shit.

I’ll let you in to another secret. I really enjoyed Peppa Pig World.